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[icon] ...kicking shadows on the street, for every mistake that I have made...
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Current Music:Soul Caliber III
Time:01:53 am
Current Mood:rushedrushed
[Following in Winry's actions: An OOC post. Who didn't see this coming? Sorry I've been MIA for awhile- a lot has come up, recently.

Public post, to assure that everyone can see it.

Okay, so after my marvelously long absence I have a few things to cover. I guess first and foremost is if we even have a game, anymore...Collapse )

I'd like to hear back from as many people as possible, so that I know whether or not there's any real interest.
I'm always on AIM over my cell phone, and I will get e-mails eventually, so there's a number of ways to get in touch with me for any reason.

Hope that covered everything.]
with a heavy heart - 2 will say bye and wave . Flag

Time:07:17 pm
Winry and I haven't really been able to get together recently. So, instead of trying to make plans- I thought I'd just stop by. I bought some chips, hot chocolate, salsa, apple cidar and more random... snacks before dropping in.
I've been so tired lately.... I awlked right past her on the couch, and didn't even notice that the TV was on. Nevermind that Al was there. Just- passsed them and started putting things away.
I guess I really have been out of it, lately.

I've ...... had a lot on my mind.

We watched that movie I bought Al over the summer. It.... Was interesting. I- think I forgot what it was like. I mean- I did watch it, when I first got it... Well, once I realized Alphonse -wasnt'- coming back. Of course... I'd been in such a daze, then, it's surprising that I remember watching it at all.

I feel like I'm always tired lately.
I need to take time off more often...
and -
... Start eating better.
with a heavy heart - wave . Flag

Time:06:57 pm
Why are you crying, is everything okay...?

There have been few times in my life that I've felt... absolutely useless. Stuck limbless and bleeding, on several occasions - that's ... different. That's helpless and as much as - yeah - I've thought I can't fix Al like this. I can't fix Al, if I die... this is a completely different kind of useless.

Like... No one needs me around. Winry's never needed me, she managed all those years without Al or me around - and Al... obviously survived better without me than I did without him. Hell, he got a job, found a place to live and worked out living on his own...
I was barely eating, and given more days off in the first month than in the four years I was in the military before that. Something about my mental health...
We have always survived better when we had a -purpose-.

I've never... allowed myself to suffer. To just accept what happened and try to move on. I think if I had to do that, I'd waste away... I think I would have. Mom died, we were going to bring her back. I lost Al, I brought him back. More than once. Winding up on the other side of the gate... All I worked for was coming back.
So, when Al left... I focused my attention on what I had, because - there was nothing to strive for. I couldn't- go after him, when he was the one that pushed me away...

I had nothing to go after.

And, I'm not - believe it or not - dwelling on teh past.

It's just that... I've always had a reason and-
Al's been gone and Winry- and Roy's been so busy with work. As if doing some work in the labs would be enough to keep me occupied... Using research to keep busy - and overworking myself... Well, I didn't realize I'd taken on so many projects at once and progress has been going faster than expected. I've barely had time to eat anything substantial, but the weirdest thing is I think I've gained weight over the past few months.
Probably all the sweets and crap I've been getting, instead of the healthy food I should be eating.

I think tomorrow I'll take the day off.
Sleep in, maybe eat an apple.
..... Avoid those cookies I brought home this weekend.
with a heavy heart - wave . Flag

Current Music:Right Here ~ Staind
Time:06:53 pm
Have you ever felt like... when you ask a question - you're not getting the whole answer?
Even if you're given an answer, it's like - something's missing.

Maybe, 'Yeah, that's how it is now, but that doesn't explain before at all.'
Some half-truth.... and I know it's a completely irrelevant issue. Then shouldn't matter, -now-.
Thsi is probably another perfect example of what I shouldn't think so much into...

I think I just needed to rant about it, for a bit.

all my life, I've never been unsure of anything.
Not when I was 10, 12, 15-

So, why now?
with a heavy heart - wave . Flag

Current Music:Meatloaf - All Coming Back to Me
Subject:I know- but I can't change.
Time:06:44 pm
If I lay here, if I just lay here...
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I've been worried- and I've tried so hard not to let it show, but at this point it's hard to tell what has and what hasn't.
I'd been putting off seeing Winry, becuase I...
Well, I guess I was afraid to face her.
The disappointment, and- everything else going on, I don't know, I'm being a coward.
I've never really... expressed my appreciation well. So, I need to ... Work on that, still.

I haven't heard from Al in a few days, and I'm not sure if I should be worried about that too. Maybe I was just stupid to think that something had changed... but I don't really believe that. It could be that I just don't -want- to believe it......
Which I suppose determines whether or not I should be concerned by this recent absence.

This is why entries shouldn't be written in the middle of the night. I'm going all over the place with things...

This is supposed to be a happy time for almost everyone- and I just feel like such a jerk for not being able to confidentally stay happy about the future.
I'm just nervous, really. I'm such a mess, dealing with everything - and poorly.

Winry, and Al, and changes...
I just don't know.
with a heavy heart - wave . Flag

[icon] ...kicking shadows on the street, for every mistake that I have made...
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View:Website (Hagaren Roleplay - The RP Community).
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